Autism and Girls, Women, Females in General

[Star]

I have long argued in many forums (WrongPlanet, AspergersCircle, aspergeradults, and my own blogs) that women are harder to diagnose because of the way that the female brain is predisposed, and thus also wired, towards empathy. Empathy is -as I called it- the herding instinct that enables us humans, and females in particular to be more receptive to others needs (need to please), to be more co-operative (need to belong), to be better in communication (need to team-work), and more.
Empathy is also present in the Autistic female, even though it is 'masked' behind the, so called by Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen, "extreme male brain." It just cases Autism to manifest differently in females than it does in males. Becaus eof this small but EXTREMELLY essential difference, girls, women, females in general are much harder to diagnose with autism hence the 1 to 4 statistics of female and male diagnosed.

In many cases, autistic women have been even thougfht as 'extreme neurotypicals' because they manifested in 'extreme' the need to please. Scientists again, mistook this 'extreme' and assumed it was an extreme form of female neurotypicality, while it is a form of female autism. I call it in my own research on females and autism: the Extreme Mom Costume. As females are, again according to my own research, the chameleons of the autistic spectrum.

We dress the part. While growing up, we observe other females around us and slowly form a 'cortume,' a persona we will eventually wear to try and fit in the society. The empathic tendency to connect with others (herding instinct) of the female brain and to form alliances, is also present in the female autistic, but as the female autistic brain lacks the 'clues' and misses the 'cues' of how to do that, it uses logic and intelligence to create a persona based on what other females do, and how they manage to fit in social groups and society at large.

Female autistics thus, are not the empathic female (neurotypical), they PLAY the empathic female, they play the perfect mom and wife (the extreme neurotypical), they play the masculine female (the macho girl, the lesbian), they play the role that they have taylor-cut and sawn-together according to their needs, and according to the social group they have grown up in, and now live in, so that they can fulfill their empathic female brain need and belong.

Today, my words have been justified. An article and an ABC documentary, shows exactly what I have been talking about.

Read the story here.

Watch the ABC video here

Watch ABC second video here

I want women/girls/females here to respond. Please, I need your feedback!

Thank you!!!

Star

[Mercurygrrl]

My immediate feedback is that you are so right. I'm a female. And I'm autistic. I just last week 'came out' to an acquaintance at uni and her initial response was that I am "so outgoing!" she couldn't believe it. And as you say, I do have empathy, but not necessarily during the same situations as NTs and often to a more extreme degree.

[Star]

Thank you for your reply!
I am not surprised. I had to fight a hard battle before I was diagnosed because they kept telling me I was not autistic (enough) to fit the autistic presribed image (that has been largely formed based on male autistics and their behavior).

Star

[Mercurygrrl]

Which is one of the reasons I don't see any reason to go in for a diagnosi.

1) I'm too old to have help in school, and I don't foresee that I will really need any help unless something drastic happens.

2) I don't think there are any autism-specialists around here that can properly diagnose autistic adults, never mind females

[Star]

Full circle, having a brain that predisposed towards empathy gives us some abilities more than men have (easier for us to communicate, co-operate, team work, etc.) but takes away the ease they get diagnosed making it harder and more frustrating for us to show that we are autistics and have the same challenges when it comes to living in a non-autistic society.
Maybe now, that you are not yet in an office, dealing with co-workers, not having a diagnosis doesn't make a big difference. It could make a difference though, when you will be dealing with stressful situations resulting from interactions within specific settings.
Having a diagnosis can help because then you can explain to others how and why you see things differently than they do, and how these differences can cause you sensory overload or a meltdown.

Star

[Mercurygrrl]

Definitely. I just don't see the need for it now. It will of course be considered if I ever find myself unable to cope due to the AS.

[nelliefar]

As a mom (and a person obsessed with psychology and human development since I was little) I will watch professionals who work with children and other moms and see how they interact with the children. If I like something enough I will utilize it in interaction with my own children and I find that it seems to give me good feedback from them. I'm only able to keep it up for a short period of time though.

[Angela]

I think we tend to be not diagnosed because many of the behaviors we tend to develop as a result of being abused by others for our autistic-ness are viewed as ideal for females by our sexist society (if my brother was silent and withdrawn in school, it would have been considered a warning sign, whereas I was just perceived as a "good girl").

Then again, I may be missing things because I don't think my brain is "wired for empathy" despite my unfortunately exaggerated secondary sex characteristics. I don't feel any need to try to be "feminine" or adopt the "mom" personality (the latter frankly horrifies me to the point of making me feel ill). I don't get the whole concept of femininity the way most women, even autistics, seem to. Mostly I just feel excluded from my gender when people go on about how everything about being a woman is being nurturing and empathetic and filled with the herd mentality and a need to please, because I'm a woman, and such things are not at all a part of my experience. I haven't adopted a particular stereotypical female mask; I'm just me. Maybe that particular failure is part of the reason that (other than my husband), I am a fairly isolated person.

That's not to say I never experience empathy, just that my mind is not some fizzing bath of empathy-juice upon which floats the pressing need to be part of the female cohort of my particular group of primates.

[Zoe]

I agree that autism is often harder to detect in girls. I think it's one of the reasons I was never diagnosed. For one thing, I do have the female empathy instinct, which probably makes it easier for me to pass as NT, and probably also gives me more of a drive to do so (though my drive to do so is still pretty small).

I tend to be very interested in other people, but from a distance - I like to study them, and am fascinated with who they are and why they do what they do, but I'm not so interested in being like them and fitting in. I've wondered if this is my female brain and my Asperger's intersecting in some strange way.

[Perhin]

I'm so glad you posted this. I'm a chick and Autistic, and I'm caring, just not like a NT. I rarely like hugs, but I'm not afraid to say 'I like you' as a sign of affection. People also mistake me for being an outgoing person, but they do not realize I'm shy towards others.

Like Zoe, I people-watch. I like to watch them and learn their movements and interactions, but it doesn't mean I want to hang out with them.

[Star]

First of all, thank you to all who took the time to read and respond to my post.

I like the fact that so many responded because your feedack is very different from each other and that shows that while autistics can share many common traits we are also very different as individuals! I just had to say that because some times I feel that NTs think we are all carbon copies of each other exactly because we are all autistic/Aspergers.

I hope more women/girls/females reply to this post. The more feedback the better. Thanks again to all.
Star

[Mark T.]

I am an AS male, so I hope you don't mind me responding. I have an overpowering need to please others and constantly worry about what other people thing about me. Since I started learning about AS, I have found that in some ways I am more like an AS female than an AS male. I tend to dissagree with Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen's description of "extreme male brain."

[Zoe]

I disagree with the "extreme male brain" idea too. I definitely see things from a female perspective rather than a male perspective.